Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Left Behind: The Movie


Dir: Vic Sarin

Damn this movie to Hell.

The first in a triology of low budget Canadian prophecy films, this thing has been a massive video hit among the more faithful folks in this country. Stories abound of conversions after viewing, churches packed for screenings, and well meaning family members slipping copies to their heathen relatives.

But what a disappointment. I wanted cheese, but I had to sit through all of the Brussels Sprouts only to find that the Camembert wasn't on tonight's menu.

The Apocalypse is nigh, and the Biblical prophecies for the Armageddon are upon us. After the Rapture, where 142 million believers ascend directly to Heaven, the coming global kingdom of the antichrist is put into motion. Kirk Cameron is a reporter who has sussed out the plot, and found his own salvation in the process. The world seems to take the vanishings pretty well. There is global martial law sure, but you can still get from Chicago to New York pretty well, bars are still open, TV stations are still running. And no one seems to connect this to the Bible (the official story from our antagonist government officials is that background radiation from nuclear testing caused the disappearances. You see, disarmament is the work of the Devil!)

This film was like a very silly All the President's Men, as Cameron unravels the divine origins of the trouble. There is also a very boring family struggle after the wife is raptured but the adulterous husband and cynical daughter are left behind and they come to Christ. Here, all the bad dialogoue and poor acting that I had anticipated would be delivered by cool soliders of the Devil is actually in the service of 1 1/2 hours of drivel.

What I wanted was Jack van Impe-like ravings against global government. And that is sort of there. Two international bankers are foreclosing on billions of dollars worth of loans made to the UN. Once they own the UN (yes, own the UN), they have ten tracts of land where they are going to grow some miracle wheat and corner the world's food supply. But the antichrist foils them and takes over ther UN himself, and we leave the first film with him plotting to rebuild the Temple of Solomon and rule the world. Then the war will come, etc. etc. etc. That's all the cool stuff, but I have to wait for the next two movies. Grrrrrrrr!!!!!!

Sure, I'll watch the next two. But I resent having to sit through #1. If any of you are going to make a fire and brimstone B-movie, just put all the good stuff into one DVD and save me the trouble of multiple viewings.



Blogger ronvon2 noted on 1/10/2006 11:30:00 PM that...

I have to admit, I have a morbid curiosity to see this film. Working at Barnes and Noble, I can't tell you how often I had to help the thirty year old mother of six find the newest addition to the Left Behind series. There is at least six in the book series. So, you may be in for more than a triology.  

Anonymous Anonymous noted on 2/08/2006 06:13:00 AM that...

My inaugural address at the Great White Throne Judgment of the Dead, after I have raptured out billions!

At: http://www.angelfire.com/crazy/spaceman