Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Yellow Submarine

Dir: George Dunning (a bunch of French crap nobody's ever heard of)


Richard Lester, why have you forsaken us?

Without putting too fine a point on it, this movie is unwatchable. Trying to keep my eyes focused on the screen both made me nauseous and raised my blood pressure, which I think is biologically impossible in any conditions approximating Earth's gravity. Philip Norman describes this movie as a "masterpiece". This is because Philip Norman has fried his brain with LSD (nb. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sarcasm).

Yellow Submarine was made because Brian Epstein owed United Artists a third Beatles film. And so, petulant and resentful, the band went into the studio to make it. But they refused to devote enough time to actually staring in a live action film, and so this celluloid insult to color was created. In cartoon form we see the blue Meanies (deploying missiles, green apples, and some sort of "pointing" disembodied hand that chases characters around) take over Pepperland. The final refugee of Pepperland flees to a flying submarine to get the Beatles from England, and then they go throuhg a bunch of time warps and oceans of paint and other things that make no sense.

I have no idea what is going on in this movie. At one point, one of the Beatles opens up a door in a hallway filled with similar doors and sees a train barreling toward the group. Another immediately comments that "it's all in the mind". Clever, but if I wanted the Beatles to help me trip I'd roll a joint and turn on the White Album. Later there are frozen statues from the cover of the Sgt. Pepper album crying over the devastation caused to Pepperland - I didn't understand how they could cry, but I certainly agreed with the sentiment.

Yellow Submarine caused me physical pain. I totally gave up some time around the scene where the submarine passes a fish, with a strobing, neon tail, doing a breast stroke with the arms coming out of his sides. Back to the back of the shelf where it belongs.


Blogger paroske noted on 2/01/2006 12:35:00 AM that...

Dude, you wound up with some schwag. The stuff you were on was not near potent enough to unlock this movie.

Oh, wait, you weren't high when you watched Yellow Submarine?

Well . . . that's pretty stupid.


Blogger ronvon2 noted on 2/01/2006 01:10:00 AM that...

If you have any more swag, may I recommend "The Wall."