Dir: Orson Welles
Boring story about a newspaper man. In fact, so much of this film is amateurish that I can't understand how it has topped all those lists. My friends and I thought we should watch one of those films people are always talking about, and since Aeon Flux was out at the video store, we got this thing.
First off, the thing is shot weird. I mean, half the time you can't even see the actor's faces! There's all these odd angles; in one scene, Kane and this other guy are talking to each other and they are literally standing on top of the camera. It's like we are supposed to be these tiny little mice at the feet of giants. But we're not mice!
I talked about those faces. Really, Orson doesn't know much about lighting. Shadows were all over the place. He should move that stuff away from the lights. People walked in and out of shadow with no warning. It was really confusing.
The acting is pretty bad too. They did this thing were they kept shifting the time the story takes place, so they had to do all these make-up changes. Lots of the time I couldn't tell who was what! And none of them were stars. I mean, I know some of the big stars from back then: Cary Grant, Doris Day, Mickey Rooney. How come they couldn't get some star power. At least I knew Orson Welles from the Muppet Movie.
And the story. Ugh! Bo-ringgggg. Nothing happens. Welles is so trying to be like Tarantino with that flashback/forward thing. But the whole movie is just people talking. And they all kept looking for the Rosebud thing, I was like "Who cares! Let's get to some action!" It was just all this preachy exploration of this guy's life. Boo-hoo! With all that money, you think he would have some sweet cars at least. Man, this was no Tokyo Drift.
I kind of dug the guy's creepy house. I would so have some raging keggers there, man! And he should have had a hotter wife. She was always whining and spoiled, with that squeaky voice. It made no sense to me at all why this rich guy would hang out with her. You think they would have explained that. It's like the movie made no sense at all. At least I didn't get it.
Look, avoid Citizen Kane. It is by no means the greatest technical marvel in cinema history. No way is it still visionary after all these years. And no way is it a lasting document of what can happen when you give a genius creative control. Nuh-uh. I'm totally renting Fantastic Four tonight.